Back to KL for another time...

after 2 months never step onto KL ground, last week finally i back to KL again after such a long time... the main purpose of the returning was for my seniors' convocation... however that's not the great part, the greatest part was finally the whole gang of friends can meet up again n hang out together... that nite, the whole gang went to Delicious at Mid Valley to have our dinner then we went to Alexis Bistro to have a drink... by the time we finished our yumcha session it was 11pm... for us it still consider early cause be4 tat every time we out we never back home before 12am... however, only half of us heading back home after the Alexis Bistro yumcha session, the other half included me went met some seniors at the curve there and had another yumcha session... by the time i reached cyberjaya, it ready 2am (at least i feel like this just consider normal to me)...

jus after a week, today i back to Cyberjaya again... this time i back for nothing, saja feel wanna back nia... hehe... this time i followed my sis n bro in law back to KL as they need to attend a wedding ceremony at Cyber View Lodge... so after i dropped them there, i used their car to go meet my friends... My current location is Studio X which is situated at Taman Desa... Came here to listen to my friend, gkai a.k.a bird bird tan sing, he works part time here... as this week many of my friends not around so i jus followed him here.... while listen to his singing, at least i can on9 n blogging, wont feel bore...

cant wait to come bec KL study n hang out with friends again... but by the time i back to KL again it means that my study life will last for another 6 months... don't feel wanna grad so soon, still wanna play and have fun with friends...

but life wont go like what we wish to... so just appreciate what we having now ba... to me n all my friends...

又回来了。。。

好久没上来了，是时候要更新咯。。。

过了这一段时间，我终于放开了。。。虽然有时候想起还会觉得不甘心，但心中的那个结已经解开了。。。 前一段时间在购物广场偶遇，我没过去和她打招呼，只是在远远和她挥挥手， 之后在网上有自动去和她聊天。。。认识这么多年了，一直以来都把她当作很好的朋友，可现在聊天时的感觉和普通朋友没两样。。。或许是太久没联络了吧，希望久而久之和她的关系会变得和以前一样，可以通电话及分享心事的好朋友。。。

前几天无意中看了一集的连续集，故事中讲到一位女生和一位男生，A男是一对夫妻，育有一位女儿，一家过着幸福的生活。直到A男因为一场意外后，这幸福的生活产生了天翻地覆的变化。这场意外令到A男昏迷了好长的一段时间。这段时间A男的朋友，B男一直都有来探望他并且鼓励这位女生要坚持下去。A男一昏迷就昏迷了4年，这4来这位女生也和B男产生了感情。

就在两人刚结婚不久，奇迹发生了，昏迷了4年的A男醒了过来。当A男知道他原本的伴侣如今已为人妻，女儿也叫他人爸爸而仿佛不认识他，他本身也因意外使到他的左半身肌肉萎缩后，脾气变得暴躁，自暴自弃，不再去医院做复健。虽然已为人妻，但这位女生还是一直去找A男，希望他不要放弃做复健。可是性情大变的A男根本不领情，还把她赶走。

看完这一集连续集，我个人的情感很矛盾。我在想假如我是A男我会如何做。站在A男的立场，我觉得这女生不知羞耻，对我不忠。在我昏迷期间居然和别的男人在一起，根本就对不起我，而且之后还一直来找我，无形中不断的刺激我。当然虽然那女生或许是真的关心我，但一想到他和别的男人已在一起，我一定会承受不住。可是站在女生的立场，我觉得这女生也不完全是错的。因为她毕竟是一个女生，要养活自己，女儿还有在病床上的A男，确实是很难，所以在和B男日久生情后，仿佛有了一个依靠的地方，决定和他结婚这个抉择是可以理解的。

假如这是一个人生交叉点，我一定不知要选择哪一个。身为一个男生，我一定会要求我的另一半对我从一而终，不管我发生什么事她都不应该离开我。可是想到女生的青春是有限的，假如我真的昏迷不醒，难道她一定要等我一辈子吗？难道我不希望她得到幸福吗？想来想去，还是觉得这是一个两难的抉择。。。

单身情人节

手里握着一罐啤酒，一个人静静地坐在手提电脑前更新这个我好久没登入的部落格。最后一次登入应该是去年了吧。时间过得好快，套用一句成语，光阴似箭啊!!! 这么快农历新年就过了，西方情人节也刚在四小时前过了。再不久我也将迈入人生中的第二十一个年头了，将正式成为成人了。

不过，在度过我的二十一岁生日前，我度过了人生中的第二十个单身情人节。顾名思义当然是单身度过情人节咯。不过，我是一个不干寂寞的人，所以即使没有伴侣，昨天我还是度过了一个开心又纳闷地情人节。开心何来，纳闷又何来呢? 开心的是昨天拜我好友所赐，我出席了一个现场演唱会。或许出席一个演唱会对某些人来说没什么大不了，可是假如你是拿着贵宾卷出席，而且还是可以坐着并且近距离观赏的话，当然另当别论咯!!! 当晚，听着海内外的知名歌手，包括曹格，温岚以及卓文宣，一首接一首动听的歌曲，真个人都被那气氛所影响，随着那音乐摇摆。至于纳闷的当然就是看着人家一对对，手牵手的在我面前经过，那感受非笔墨能形容地。心中不禁想起那个埋藏在心底的那个人，也想起了周星驰在月光宝盒中的一句名言：

曾经，有一份真诚的爱情放在我面前，我没有珍惜，
等到我失去的时候才后悔莫及，
人世间最痛苦的事莫过于此……

如果上天能够给我一个从来的机会，
我会对那个女孩说三个字：
“我爱你。”

如果非要在这份爱加上一个期限，
我希望是……一万年。

我不知有没有曾经一份真诚的爱情放在我面前，但我可以肯定的是有机会的时候没有珍惜，失去的时候会真的后悔莫及。正所谓：一寸光阴，一寸金，寸金难买寸光阴，机会也和光阴一样珍贵，失去了将不复返。现在我已慢慢接受了这个事实，但每当看着身边的朋友成双成对时，心中难免会亿起他。现在的我好多了，不再像以前一样常常会想起他，但是我觉得我常说已经放得下其实是在骗自己。因为每当我遇到有好感的女生时，都会以他们有男朋友了，他们比我大或者他们不适合我等等的借口让自己不去追求他们。 人有些时候就是那么的固执，明知道是错的却不肯改。

仅剩的一罐啤酒也喝完了，虽然我还很精神，但我觉得是该停止了，每次更新部落格都是在一些比较悲的心情时写的，是时候改变了，也应该写些快乐的才对。

虽然情人节过了，但在这里我要祝：

天下有情人终成眷属，没情人的在来临的一年找到真命天子或天女。
（当然也包括我自己咯）

现在的我...

好久没来了，有接近半年多了吧，差点都忘了还有这个部落格的存在。昨天刚刚开始新的一个学期，一如既往学期开始前又是成绩公布的时候。刚知道成绩时，真的很不甘心，很失望，因此昨天还特地去找老师了解了解。正所谓：人作孽，犹可存；自作孽，不可活。成绩会如此的差，其实是因为个人了解试时的分数过低，所以即使过后的团体合作分数蛮高也帮不了多少。如今惟有接受这个成绩咯，期望过后的考试能拉高我的分数。

想起来不知不觉中，我已在多媒体大学度过了三年的光阴，今年已经是我大学生涯中的第四年了。 这三年来，我的生活过得非常充实，正如我常跟身边的朋友说的那样，大学是我们在踏入社会前的一块踏脚石，所以我们必须在大学里充实自己并自我提升。在大 学里除了上课外，我也在学会中度过了多数时光。在大学里，课业是我的一部分，而另一部分就是学会。从学会中，我领悟了很多我在课业上无法获得的知识与技能。

对 于华文，我本身一直以来都有一份执着。我认为身为华人的我不可以放弃我的母语－华文。因此从小学到中学，甚至到了大学我都参与华文学会。上了大学参加大 学里的华文学会后，我才真正的认识自我。以往在中小学参加的华文学会很多时候都是老师在为我们策划，而我们只是执行而已。在那时遇到什么事情我们都不必烦 恼，因为只要我们告诉老师，自然而然老师就会帮我们解决。而在大学里，从策划活动到执行活动，我们都必须一手包办。遇到困难时，我们只能向学长们咨询，而 至于该如何解决，我们必须自己思考并找到我们认为最好的方案。所以我认为大学的华文学会让我找到了一个学习与自我提升的平台。在华文学会里，我从一个参与者变成一个策划，筹办人，再成为一个管理者。在每一个过程中，我都经历了不同程度的酸甜苦辣，但每一个阶段都给与我不同的经验与知识，使我慢慢的在成长。

上个学期，卸下了华文学会总财政的位子，之后就忙着做mp3，根本没感觉到参与学会与没参与学会的落差。这个学期回来几天了，感觉上真的很空闲，成天无所事事，除了去上课外根本就只是待在家中上网。这个学期又刚好课外活动与我的上课时间有冲突，所以整个学期只拿一个科目。此时此刻我才发现到以前有参与学会活动的日子虽然有时会感觉忙得头昏脑胀，但其实每一天都过得很充实。人有时候是很矛盾的，忙的时候他就会投诉没时间休息，可是一旦你让他空闲下来时他又投诉无聊，没事做。人真是一个让人爱，可又让人恨的动物。虽然现在的我在学会中不再持有任何职务，但学会需要我时，我会马上站出来，因为这个学会有我无数的回忆。虽然对于学会我只是一个匆匆过客，但对于我来说学会为我大学生涯增添了不少色彩。我相信学会还会再为我的大学生涯画上无数美丽的回忆，直到我毕业为止。

是时候了...

今天对我来讲是个特别的日子... 二十年前的今天我来到了这个花花世界，而今天将是我生命中的一个转折点，因为从今天开始我将把一直以来困扰着我的心结解开，正式把心扉重新打开... 一直以来在寻找放弃的理由的我，终于迎来了一个让我彻彻底底放弃她的理由... 从一开始对她的恨，在经过了这一个星期多的时间后，也慢慢地变淡了... 曾经有人说过，“没有爱，何来恨???” ， 或许恨一个人也是爱的一种吧...


虽然放下她不是一朝一夕能做到的，但至少现在我可以不再为了她的事情而产生很大的反应，这或许就是放下她的第一步... 也许因为她，我已错失了很多的机会，但路是我自己选的，我就要走完它，无论最终的结局是如何我都要接受... 在十岁到十九岁的这十年里，我都奉献了给她，或许最终的结局并不是我想要得的，但这部戏的结局就是如此... 正所谓：人生如戏，戏如人生，在我们的一生中并不是每一个结局都是美好的，有时一个不美满的结局或许能让我们的人生更精彩...

这一段时间或许是因为想通了这些道理，所以我才能迈开放下她的第一步... 今天我正式加入了二十家族，所以我承诺自己从今天开始从新写一个属于我自己的故事，一个不一样的故事... 我不会特地去知道她的近况，一切顺其自然，但可以肯定的是她只会存在于我的回忆里... 曾经我说过我们或许会像她所说的那般，永远是好朋友，但当我真正面对事实时，我发现事实永远都是残酷的... 很多东西说得容易，但能否做到却是另外一回事... 我们俩之间永远都会有一层薄膜，虽然薄，但它的影响却是重大的...

或许放手也是爱的一种，也是一种幸福吧!!!!

Chinese New Year...

happy chinese new year to all my frens!!! so happy tat its a whole new year and i will have a whole new life... since last meeting wif my frens, i keep on thinking about his advises to me... he asked me to called her know the reason from her and settle it face to face or phone to phone like wat he did...

he is one of my best fren i know since my primary... and he is also one of her admirer... during secondary school he changed to another gal and after all he bec to her again... but he is more luckier than me as he know the reason earlier and settle it be4 he went to China where he spent the time to let go and start a new life and he did it... he let go after all... firstly i m thinking about is it an efficient way for me to do so as both of us is in different condition and environment...

yesterday night be4 sleep i think bout tat and i decided to called her and settle this thing be4 my 20th birthday where there is another 9 days to go... however things wont happen like wat we wish it to be... today when i was driving bec to cyberjaya from my hometown one of my best fren sms me... he told me he gt a very very terrible news to tell me n asked me to tell him when i ready to listen it... from tat time i know finally the time has come... i rd expected this news n i think i was rd to know it... i asked my fren she gt bf rd izzit... and he replied "yes"... i thought i was rd to face it but after all i know i wasnt rd enough as when i knew this i felt pain... my heart is bleeding...

though i know this day will come but i jus cant expect it to come so soon... so soon till i have no time to settle it... actually say seriously i hate her... whenever i remember bout the sms she replied me during form 4 till she rejected me n din tell me the reason when i asked her till my fren told me , i feel i hate her a lots... however in deep in my heart i dun wan to hate her for a simple reason, she is the first gal i like and i hope she will always a perfect gal for me...

i know form this moment , there will be always a scar in my heart... though i m unlike my fren , he gt 2 n i only gt 1 but this scar is too large for me, too large till it is hardly to recover... though she always said she hope we will be like last time n i will be her best fren forever n our friendship will last forever... but friendly speaking i know i cant do that... i know from now on i lost a best fren, a best fren tat i first met her when i was 4 or 5... i dun hope this to happen but things arent happen like wat i wish it to be... that's y ppl always said " LIFE IS UNPREDICTABLE" , i thought our friendship will last eternity , by the truth is it cant...

its rd 2 years since i last meeting wif her... in these 2 years i told myself to giv up many times but i jus couldnt do tat... n now finally there is no excuses for me not to giv up as she dun hav any feel to me and jus recently she gt a boyfren rd... its is a solid excuse to force me to giv up... the time has come , a time where i should live without her and only for myself... the wound will nvr disappear , it will jus become a scar where it will be always in my heart now n forever...

be4 this my fren asked me whether i rd giv up onot n i said i was trying... then he asked me if now she said she like u wat will u do , accept her n reject her... though i know i hav no hope at all but my answer is still yes...

2008 < Review of 2007>

Almost 1 year i never signing in here... now i'm bec... hahaha... for the pass one year so many things came to me and it made me more clearer what a person i am and what a person i wanna be...

Last year march , a fren of mine passed away... though i nt very close with him but from the few meetings with him , he is a kind n brave person... its a wasted to me and all his best fren that such a generous person had left us... but this mayb the easiest way for him as he had suffered for such a long time...

since i stepped into university at 2005 , i have been very active in cls... for the passed 2 years i joined many activities , either be the working committee or the organizing committee... last year july after taking some time to think bout my future , i participated in the election of the high committe of cls... after the voting , i m so lucky to be chosen as the general treasurer of society... since that i m so busy with all the treasurer stuffs... sometimes i would like jus being loaf doing nothing and sit in front of my laptop surfing for nothing and reading novels... however after that those works still need to be done , just it may be taking a longer time.. hehe :P

last year , it is also the first time i involved in an accident... however the accident only involved my car as it happened that i bang the divider after i tried to avoid a trailer... luckily noone was hurt , jus the front part of my car damaged...

after such a long time finally i know the reason... though it mayb a bit cruel for me but it jus happened that it is a fact and i should accept and not to disturb her anymore... i mayb bringing quite some troubles to her be4 this and since i know mayb someone is going after her , i should not disturb her anymore... be4 this many times i said tat i should let go but every time it failed because i am thinking that i may have chance if i din let go... however the fact is i have no chance since she first rejected me... n now since i know why , i should try my best to let go... actually since beginning i also know that i just have a very tiny chance to succeed but i just wanna try... it already 2 years since out last meeting... and it already years ago that we talk face to face... and it happened that i just not willingly to let go if i din have a try and get to know the reason... be4 this i rd suspect why she rejected me but i just dun believe to myself and try to convince myself maybe she dun wan distance relation and so on... after all , finally it proved that i am right bout why she rejected me...

life is just like a movie... everything happened just like well planning... sometimes we just should listen to the voice that come out from deep inside of our heart as it always speak the truth... however it also happened that human ourselves just dun wanna believe it and try to prove that it speak nonsense... after turning such a big round , at last we must also accept what happened to be the truth... sometimes chance come very fast and go very fast , if we din assurance the chance , we lost the chance forever and this is what i missed for years...

since 2nd jan 2008 till now i din have any contact with her, all i know bout her are all from my frens... i already decided to let go and the first step i will do is stop contacting her... she's been inside my heart for such a long time about 10 years and now it is impossible for me to let go in a short time... mayb it takes another 10 years to forget her or mayb 20 years or until i find a gal that can replace her in my heart... and i just decided not to keep in touch with her till i let go... i dunno whether i can do that or not but i swear i will try my best even... maybe jus a sms during cny or her birthday , other than that i wont do anything till i let go... mayb it sounds a little bit cruel for not replying a best fren n a true fren message... but i think i should did that in order for me to let go and not to suffer from it anymore...

maybe my chance had gone since i passed my PTS and decided to skip standard 4 and straight go to standard 5...... maybe...... maybe...... and maybe............................