现在的我...

好久没来了，有接近半年多了吧，差点都忘了还有这个部落格的存在。昨天刚刚开始新的一个学期，一如既往学期开始前又是成绩公布的时候。刚知道成绩时，真的很不甘心，很失望，因此昨天还特地去找老师了解了解。正所谓：人作孽，犹可存；自作孽，不可活。成绩会如此的差，其实是因为个人了解试时的分数过低，所以即使过后的团体合作分数蛮高也帮不了多少。如今惟有接受这个成绩咯，期望过后的考试能拉高我的分数。

想起来不知不觉中，我已在多媒体大学度过了三年的光阴，今年已经是我大学生涯中的第四年了。 这三年来，我的生活过得非常充实，正如我常跟身边的朋友说的那样，大学是我们在踏入社会前的一块踏脚石，所以我们必须在大学里充实自己并自我提升。在大 学里除了上课外，我也在学会中度过了多数时光。在大学里，课业是我的一部分，而另一部分就是学会。从学会中，我领悟了很多我在课业上无法获得的知识与技能。

对 于华文，我本身一直以来都有一份执着。我认为身为华人的我不可以放弃我的母语－华文。因此从小学到中学，甚至到了大学我都参与华文学会。上了大学参加大 学里的华文学会后，我才真正的认识自我。以往在中小学参加的华文学会很多时候都是老师在为我们策划，而我们只是执行而已。在那时遇到什么事情我们都不必烦 恼，因为只要我们告诉老师，自然而然老师就会帮我们解决。而在大学里，从策划活动到执行活动，我们都必须一手包办。遇到困难时，我们只能向学长们咨询，而 至于该如何解决，我们必须自己思考并找到我们认为最好的方案。所以我认为大学的华文学会让我找到了一个学习与自我提升的平台。在华文学会里，我从一个参与者变成一个策划，筹办人，再成为一个管理者。在每一个过程中，我都经历了不同程度的酸甜苦辣，但每一个阶段都给与我不同的经验与知识，使我慢慢的在成长。

上个学期，卸下了华文学会总财政的位子，之后就忙着做mp3，根本没感觉到参与学会与没参与学会的落差。这个学期回来几天了，感觉上真的很空闲，成天无所事事，除了去上课外根本就只是待在家中上网。这个学期又刚好课外活动与我的上课时间有冲突，所以整个学期只拿一个科目。此时此刻我才发现到以前有参与学会活动的日子虽然有时会感觉忙得头昏脑胀，但其实每一天都过得很充实。人有时候是很矛盾的，忙的时候他就会投诉没时间休息，可是一旦你让他空闲下来时他又投诉无聊，没事做。人真是一个让人爱，可又让人恨的动物。虽然现在的我在学会中不再持有任何职务，但学会需要我时，我会马上站出来，因为这个学会有我无数的回忆。虽然对于学会我只是一个匆匆过客，但对于我来说学会为我大学生涯增添了不少色彩。我相信学会还会再为我的大学生涯画上无数美丽的回忆，直到我毕业为止。

是时候了...

今天对我来讲是个特别的日子... 二十年前的今天我来到了这个花花世界，而今天将是我生命中的一个转折点，因为从今天开始我将把一直以来困扰着我的心结解开，正式把心扉重新打开... 一直以来在寻找放弃的理由的我，终于迎来了一个让我彻彻底底放弃她的理由... 从一开始对她的恨，在经过了这一个星期多的时间后，也慢慢地变淡了... 曾经有人说过，“没有爱，何来恨???” ， 或许恨一个人也是爱的一种吧...


虽然放下她不是一朝一夕能做到的，但至少现在我可以不再为了她的事情而产生很大的反应，这或许就是放下她的第一步... 也许因为她，我已错失了很多的机会，但路是我自己选的，我就要走完它，无论最终的结局是如何我都要接受... 在十岁到十九岁的这十年里，我都奉献了给她，或许最终的结局并不是我想要得的，但这部戏的结局就是如此... 正所谓：人生如戏，戏如人生，在我们的一生中并不是每一个结局都是美好的，有时一个不美满的结局或许能让我们的人生更精彩...

这一段时间或许是因为想通了这些道理，所以我才能迈开放下她的第一步... 今天我正式加入了二十家族，所以我承诺自己从今天开始从新写一个属于我自己的故事，一个不一样的故事... 我不会特地去知道她的近况，一切顺其自然，但可以肯定的是她只会存在于我的回忆里... 曾经我说过我们或许会像她所说的那般，永远是好朋友，但当我真正面对事实时，我发现事实永远都是残酷的... 很多东西说得容易，但能否做到却是另外一回事... 我们俩之间永远都会有一层薄膜，虽然薄，但它的影响却是重大的...

或许放手也是爱的一种，也是一种幸福吧!!!!

Chinese New Year...

happy chinese new year to all my frens!!! so happy tat its a whole new year and i will have a whole new life... since last meeting wif my frens, i keep on thinking about his advises to me... he asked me to called her know the reason from her and settle it face to face or phone to phone like wat he did...

he is one of my best fren i know since my primary... and he is also one of her admirer... during secondary school he changed to another gal and after all he bec to her again... but he is more luckier than me as he know the reason earlier and settle it be4 he went to China where he spent the time to let go and start a new life and he did it... he let go after all... firstly i m thinking about is it an efficient way for me to do so as both of us is in different condition and environment...

yesterday night be4 sleep i think bout tat and i decided to called her and settle this thing be4 my 20th birthday where there is another 9 days to go... however things wont happen like wat we wish it to be... today when i was driving bec to cyberjaya from my hometown one of my best fren sms me... he told me he gt a very very terrible news to tell me n asked me to tell him when i ready to listen it... from tat time i know finally the time has come... i rd expected this news n i think i was rd to know it... i asked my fren she gt bf rd izzit... and he replied "yes"... i thought i was rd to face it but after all i know i wasnt rd enough as when i knew this i felt pain... my heart is bleeding...

though i know this day will come but i jus cant expect it to come so soon... so soon till i have no time to settle it... actually say seriously i hate her... whenever i remember bout the sms she replied me during form 4 till she rejected me n din tell me the reason when i asked her till my fren told me , i feel i hate her a lots... however in deep in my heart i dun wan to hate her for a simple reason, she is the first gal i like and i hope she will always a perfect gal for me...

i know form this moment , there will be always a scar in my heart... though i m unlike my fren , he gt 2 n i only gt 1 but this scar is too large for me, too large till it is hardly to recover... though she always said she hope we will be like last time n i will be her best fren forever n our friendship will last forever... but friendly speaking i know i cant do that... i know from now on i lost a best fren, a best fren tat i first met her when i was 4 or 5... i dun hope this to happen but things arent happen like wat i wish it to be... that's y ppl always said " LIFE IS UNPREDICTABLE" , i thought our friendship will last eternity , by the truth is it cant...

its rd 2 years since i last meeting wif her... in these 2 years i told myself to giv up many times but i jus couldnt do tat... n now finally there is no excuses for me not to giv up as she dun hav any feel to me and jus recently she gt a boyfren rd... its is a solid excuse to force me to giv up... the time has come , a time where i should live without her and only for myself... the wound will nvr disappear , it will jus become a scar where it will be always in my heart now n forever...

be4 this my fren asked me whether i rd giv up onot n i said i was trying... then he asked me if now she said she like u wat will u do , accept her n reject her... though i know i hav no hope at all but my answer is still yes...

2008 < Review of 2007>

Almost 1 year i never signing in here... now i'm bec... hahaha... for the pass one year so many things came to me and it made me more clearer what a person i am and what a person i wanna be...

Last year march , a fren of mine passed away... though i nt very close with him but from the few meetings with him , he is a kind n brave person... its a wasted to me and all his best fren that such a generous person had left us... but this mayb the easiest way for him as he had suffered for such a long time...

since i stepped into university at 2005 , i have been very active in cls... for the passed 2 years i joined many activities , either be the working committee or the organizing committee... last year july after taking some time to think bout my future , i participated in the election of the high committe of cls... after the voting , i m so lucky to be chosen as the general treasurer of society... since that i m so busy with all the treasurer stuffs... sometimes i would like jus being loaf doing nothing and sit in front of my laptop surfing for nothing and reading novels... however after that those works still need to be done , just it may be taking a longer time.. hehe :P

last year , it is also the first time i involved in an accident... however the accident only involved my car as it happened that i bang the divider after i tried to avoid a trailer... luckily noone was hurt , jus the front part of my car damaged...

after such a long time finally i know the reason... though it mayb a bit cruel for me but it jus happened that it is a fact and i should accept and not to disturb her anymore... i mayb bringing quite some troubles to her be4 this and since i know mayb someone is going after her , i should not disturb her anymore... be4 this many times i said tat i should let go but every time it failed because i am thinking that i may have chance if i din let go... however the fact is i have no chance since she first rejected me... n now since i know why , i should try my best to let go... actually since beginning i also know that i just have a very tiny chance to succeed but i just wanna try... it already 2 years since out last meeting... and it already years ago that we talk face to face... and it happened that i just not willingly to let go if i din have a try and get to know the reason... be4 this i rd suspect why she rejected me but i just dun believe to myself and try to convince myself maybe she dun wan distance relation and so on... after all , finally it proved that i am right bout why she rejected me...

life is just like a movie... everything happened just like well planning... sometimes we just should listen to the voice that come out from deep inside of our heart as it always speak the truth... however it also happened that human ourselves just dun wanna believe it and try to prove that it speak nonsense... after turning such a big round , at last we must also accept what happened to be the truth... sometimes chance come very fast and go very fast , if we din assurance the chance , we lost the chance forever and this is what i missed for years...

since 2nd jan 2008 till now i din have any contact with her, all i know bout her are all from my frens... i already decided to let go and the first step i will do is stop contacting her... she's been inside my heart for such a long time about 10 years and now it is impossible for me to let go in a short time... mayb it takes another 10 years to forget her or mayb 20 years or until i find a gal that can replace her in my heart... and i just decided not to keep in touch with her till i let go... i dunno whether i can do that or not but i swear i will try my best even... maybe jus a sms during cny or her birthday , other than that i wont do anything till i let go... mayb it sounds a little bit cruel for not replying a best fren n a true fren message... but i think i should did that in order for me to let go and not to suffer from it anymore...

maybe my chance had gone since i passed my PTS and decided to skip standard 4 and straight go to standard 5...... maybe...... maybe...... and maybe............................